Thursday 19 January 2012

Confessions of My Heart: Relationships


Most girls turn themselves inside out for love, and when that doesn’t work out we tell ourselves we come first and we should love ourselves more. And I am totally that girl, the girl who would put the man before herself, and recently I have been asking myself..why the hell would I do that?

The one thing I think is necessary, is to be happy with yourself before you even think of bringing someone in your life. For many years I have relied on others to love me, and the truth is I never thought that first of all I need to take care of number one, my happiness comes first. And let’s be honest, most girls are people pleasers and we give way too much of ourselves. And yes, like any other couple, any other relationship, mine has a lot of issues, unsolved problems, lack of communication, and well the whole works.


And recently I have just been really unhappy with not being able to communicate, so really, I have just started to really look at myself in my relationship. I am that girlfriend that apologizes way too much, the one that calls first, the one who really needs her man to call her and reassure her all the time. And that is definitely not a healthy relationship. If you find yourself stuck in something where you are putting way too much effort and time in as opposed to your partner, lover, whomever, then you probably are. It’s hard, it really is. Honestly if you are that girl who will be willing to spend every moment with your man then you will know what I am talking about, you’re nuts about him, like you get mad when he has
too much alone time, you need him all the time, you need reassurance that he loves you, you’re scared that he’s cheating, or whatever it may be. One: Maybe you should rethink the relationship. Two: That is NOT healthy. We all have doubts but if you can’t trust your man, you shouldn’t be with him. And if you’re scared to tell him how you feel because you think he will be upset at you. Who cares if he gets upset, that’s how you feel..and he needs to understand that, it’s better that you are letting him know how you feel instead of keeping it in and getting mad at him anyways. I mean think about it, most girls when they are mad and can’t talk about it will take it out on thier man anyways and then your man is like “what the f.? Why are you mad at me for no reason all the time?” I mean girl, if you don’t stand for something, you’ll fall for anything. (listen to The Script) haha.

Don’t get me wrong we need to pick and choose our battles and little things we should probably let slide, no man wants you nagging at him all the time, but if it really bothers you, your man should be there to listen. Boys have a hard time communicating and we can’t push them, which I have recently have just come to terms with..when they are ready they will let you know. Some guys choose to sweep things under the rug, and that’s not good either. It just makes you more upset and thus “what the f..why are you always mad at me for no reason?” No big dummy! Girls just like things to be resolved. We vent, boys cope. Either in drinking, or taking anger out on various objects, or playing video games. Stop pushing your man to talk to you when he’s mad. It usually just gets worse, let him be, likewise on the whole needing him way too much business. If he doesn’t put effort in, then you shouldn’t either, if he is smart he will get it that you are giving him space, and he should smart enough to try harder to make time for you, and if he’s not, well then obviously he just really likes a lot of space or he really isn’t into putting any effort in and expecting you to do all the work. That is a no-no. Like people always say “If you love something let it go, if it’s yours then it’ll come back” or some nonsense like that which is partly true. If a man wants you, wants to be with you, but he says oh sorry I have no time, I have school, work, the gym, or whatever his life may consist of. That is bs.. When a man pursues you he makes time for you even when he doesn’t have it, so why should that change just because you two are going steady? It's not about having time, it's about making time. There’s a big difference! And don’t make excuses for him. I did that, all the time. One tiny phone call seriously takes 60 seconds. And if that can’t happen, then where is the love girl?

I think the main thing I want to put out there is don’t ever sell yourself short. I’ve done that so many times in life, and where it leaves you is crying a pond or a friggen ocean on your pillow case. Be strong, and stand your ground. You deserve someone who will put in as much effort that you are willing to. It takes two.

I was in chapters the other day and say that book (Why Men Love Bitches) I skimmed through it, and from what I saw, I agree to a few things and some other things were like wow, you actually have to be a bitch to ever do that to a man, I guess in my little hearts of hearts I am still sort of a doormat..

If you’re the "nice" girl, just remember you don’t have to change and be bitchier or be more the “chase”, you just have to remember your happiness means the most, and if you are not happy revaluate yourself first then the relationship.

Relationships are never easy..
I say, build a life that you want, have goals, aspirations, better yourself and if your man fits in then great..if he slowly fades away, then let it be.

Easier said than done, I know.


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